Welcome to My Nightmare

It seems to me that 2010 has been a year of unprecedented catastrophe. I doubt there has been another year in living memory with so many significant events and global disasters.

In January a 7.0 magnitude earthquake in Haiti killed over 230,000 people (just as many as the 2004 tsunami) and left 1 million homeless.

On April 10 a plane crash in Russia wiped out most of Poland's top-level government officials including the president.

On April 20, Deepwater Horizon, an offshore oil rig, exploded killing 11 men and setting off the largest oil spill in history.

Also in April, an Icelandic volcano erupted for the first time since 1823 causing the largest air traffic shut-down since the second world war.

Thousands are dead and missing due to the floods and landslides China has been experiencing since early May. These are the worst floods China has seen in decades. Millions lack clean water and over 12 million people have been evacuated from their homes.

On May 31 a very rare, sudden sinkhole swallowed an entire intersection and several buildings in Guatemala.

Pakistan is currently experiencing floods never before seen in this lifetime leaving an estimated 14 million people (and counting) in need of clean water, food, medical care or shelter.

Scientists are saying there hasn't been a heat wave to match the current one in Russia in over a thousand years. Crops the size of Portugal have been destroyed, wildfires are uncontrollable and the daily death rate has doubled.

Here in Canada we've had significant avalanches, massive flooding, severe thunderstorms, deadly landslides, wildfires, lots of tornadoes and a few earthquakes. It's true that we expect a certain amount of wild weather and natural disaster each year but the intensity is noteworthy. Records are being broken worldwide. In fact, the first six months of 2010 have been the hottest globally on record. Last week in Greenland a chunk of ice, four times the size of Manahattan, broke off a glacier. This is the biggest change to the Arctic landscape in over 50 years. Yes folks, the times are a changing. Scientists didn't predict this degree of change for several more decades.

I've had a fear of extreme weather and natural disasters since childhood. I've suffered recurring nightmares about tornadoes for decades. I know there is nothing I can do to control these things but still I am desperate to find some semblance of safety in my little world. It borders on mental illness. I want to move inland and to higher ground. And I'm not talking about a few miles -more like a thousand miles. I know, crazy eh? My husband thinks so too. But this is a serious issue for me. This is one of those things I really need to turn over to God. God can remove all these defects of character, but I'm too scared to let go. I'm terrified to let my guard down.

To make matters worse I believe in the gift of prophecy and I'm aware of many prophets who point to upcoming cataclysmic events including a pole shift. If you don't think I'm weird enough yet, here's another twist: I feel that I received direction from God to move inland. I don't know, maybe it's just my fear talking. I have a hard time discerning between His voice and mine.

We often hear people say, "I never thought it could happen to me," but I have never suffered from a deluded sense of security. Maybe my "alertness" is courtesy of growing up in a violent home. I don't doubt that is at least part of the issue. But what if I'm genuinely tapping into something here? A few weeks ago I was driving in the car, debating with myself about whether or not I am totally bonkers in regards to this matter, when I turned on the radio and heard a preacher sharing about how everyone thought Noah was crazy but he still followed God's instructions. That got me really worked up.

So now I've told you one of my biggest, most private fears. I wish I could say that I'm sharing this aloud as part of my recovery process but the truth is that this reservation is huge. I'm going to have to pray for more willingness with this one.